The Bell Curve of Apathy

An interesting sidelight to my previous post on poor customer service in India.

Among places where service is key, restaurants rank quite high up (next only to airlines and hotels), and this problem of indifferent customer service is quite acute there, resulting in what I call “The Bell Curve of Apathy” for restaurants:

Service staff apathy, plotted against price, follows a Bell curve.

You eat at cheap Udipis and the random “Restaurants named Sagar” around Bangalore* and the service is remarkably good. Agreed, your expectations may be lower. But the tables and plates are clean, everything on the menu is mostly available. You are served water quickly, and the glass is unobtrusively replenished before it’s ever empty. Special orders are never a serious constraint. Catching a waiter’s eye for a quick follow-up order isn’t hard.

As you move up the chain to the middle range (say, between Rs. 250-500 a pop in Bangalore), things actually start degrading. Again, I wonder if it’s adopting western models which causes this. After you’re seated, since this is a “sophisticated” place, no one shows up for a while. Then someone drops off menus and disappears. You’re now 10 minutes in, coming out of fairly warm weather, and no one’s asked you about water/drinks yet. This is around the time I start missing those Udipis where they’ll plonk down a steel glass with water within a minute of your taking a seat.

Remarkably for a business which makes its best margins on drinks, alcoholic or otherwise, this pattern persists through the meal. You are asked if you want bottled water, but when the meal is ending, you’re never asked if you’d like another bottle, though the three bottles on the table are all empty. If you order a juice or a milkshake or a cocktail, no one ever asks if you want a refill. I’ve rarely had a waiter swing by mid-meal to check on the food, and yes, this is becoming a recurring theme now, top up my water glass.

Once you move up the price bracket though, these problems mostly go away. I’ve been impressed with the top-notch service in the expensive restaurants I’ve been to. I guess it’s true then. The rich are not like you and me. They’re treated better, so who would disagree?

*Bangalore has a remarkably high number of restaurants named Shanthi Sagar, Sukh Sagar or variants thereof. My guess is that some of these are part of a local chain.

Customer Disservice

The one thing that any returnee expat will invariably encounter is the abysmal quality of customer service on offer in India. 

I’m not what you’d call an unreasonable customer. My expectations are simple: competence, and “do what you say you will”. Yet, notable exceptions aside (Citibank, Tata Sky), no one seems capable of getting the simplest things right.

I’m not the only one seeing this. I’ve had other people, both expats and otherwise, say the same thing. But there’s also this “whatodo, it’s like this only” attitude, especially since there’s really no choice. It’s been a recurring theme in my discussions about my “India Experience”.

I think the reason that it especially gets to us returnees is simple: you are used to better, and importantly, this is not something that you can be prepared for. You gear yourself for the traffic, the noise, the heat, even “IST”. Those are things that you were accustomed to when you left, albeit at a different scale. Those are supposedly the “India challenges” you were expected to negotiate on returning.

But in the interregnum between my flight out almost a decade back and my return last year, urban India’s retail and service environment has undergone a transformation. The arrival of corporate entities has changed buying patterns in all sorts of categories. From daily staples to home appliances to cable TV, you are probably talking to a “customer service representative”. He’s likely employed by a franchisee who owns multiple such stores across the city.

What this means simply is that there’s no “skin in the game” for anyone serving you anymore. Earlier, buying something meant going to a store that was likely manned by the family owning it. If a promise (home delivery, setup, callback when the item was in stock) was made, it was made by someone who had a direct financial stake in your satisfaction and an outcome that made you a repeat customer. If it wasn’t a family member, the person helping you was still competent since he’d probably been with the business for years.

This isn’t some level of nostalgia: go to old school bookstores like the ones in Appa Balwant Chowk in Pune, or the electronics market around S.P. Road in Bangalore, or (personal favorite) Blossom Books in Bangalore. You still have competent staff who understand their inventory, and are invested in trying to make you happy.

The new lot are making up numbers. They are impossibly young most of the time, probably finishing up college and earning some dough on the side.

They are more than happy to make you a promise to close a sale, but at some point, the system takes it out of their hands, and the guy in charge of delivery doesn’t care for the ‘special instruction’ that helped seal the deal. The customer service guy on the phone is probably in a call center in Gurgaon, so trying to close the loop on a sale with the people who initiated it is well nigh impossible. You are now a service request in a queue, a football bouncing across CRM systems, routed through data centers managed by a third entity.

Your ‘feedback’, commonly a phone call, or your reply to a text message follow-up goes into some kind of ether, and has no direct relation to the service you were provided. It’s not surprising, really: in a market with so much growth, customer service is an afterthought. Why bother? There are plenty more where we came from.

 

In a corporate environment, competence counts for a lot. I was at a party once with some people at work, and Z (who had had a bit too much to drink, I must add)  said about J “He knows his shit. And when you say that about someone, that’s a great compliment to give, you know, that he knows his shit?” Number of cocktails inside Z aside, point noted. Competence matters.

But in the public sphere, it’s apparently OK to be a complete dimwit. I’ve been following the depositions of Greenspan, Robert Rubin and the good folks at various multiple-fancy-named institutions on Wall Street ( Goldman Sachs, Merrill Lynch, Morgan Stanley et al), and everyone’s saying this about the crisis: No one saw it coming.

Seriously? I’d like to see a CEO make that argument in a closed-door board meeting.

I shudder to think that these jokers hold the keys to the world’s largest economy. I don’t know which is worse: that they were incompetent enough to not understand that this was a train hurtling out of control, or that they are lying.

Heaven forbid you dance

Reflections on Sasquatch, indie music and pretentiousness

I finally went to Sasquatch this year. I've been meaning to for the last couple of years, but life gets in the way - other plans, family visiting et al. It was an immensely enjoyable day out. Gorgeous weather and lots of great bands made for a vasool day of entertainment.

Seeing a bunch of upcoming and established bands - Beirut, Ozomatli, Crudo, Modest Mouse and R.E.M. was a great experience - even with the rain that graced the ending part of the day. The only bad note was M.I.A. - a lot of people loved her act, but I was left cold (literally and figuratively) by her dancehall/ reggae/ electronica mix.

The day reminded me of the site 'Stuff white people like' (Hat Tip: India Uncut). They have an entry for 'standing still at concerts'. I quote:

The problem is that most of the music that white people like isn’t really dance-friendly. More often the songs are about pain, or love, or breaking up with someone, or not being able to date someone, or death.

So when white people go to concerts at smaller venues, what to do they do? They stand still!

It struck me forcibly when Beirut and Ozomatli performed in quick succession.

Don't get me wrong. Beirut's music is gorgeous. Ukulele, trumpets and Balkan brass band sounds all come together and the music has texture. You can feel the layers in the music combine, making it more than the sum of its parts. What got to me was the somberness of it all. I mean, Zach Condon, the guy behind Beirut is all of twenty-two years old. He's been creating music since he was 15. Isn't that too young to be so dreary? As I say to a colleague at work (who's 22 incidentally). " Aren't you too young to be so bitter?"

It's something I've been feeling for a while now and reading the blog post on 'standing still at concerts' a month back made it stick. So much of the indie music I hear (not all, but enough to make it a trend) is goddamn downbeat. Death Cab for Cutie, Fleet Foxes, The New Pornographers (all performing at Sasquatch) fall into this category. So do that indie favorite, The Shins and many others I keep hearing being hyped up on indie radio. I stopped following recommendations on popular music sites and radio stations because it was all getting so pretentious and precious.

After Beirut left, Ozomatli came on stage and changed the mood of the crowd on a dime. This Latin rock/hip-hop group from L.A. really knows how to throw a party. They had the crowd rocking in no time to their infectious mix of Latin, hip-hop, rap, dub and general joyfulness. In the defense of M.I.A, her music throws political bombs but she manages to keep the party going while doing that.

Another new group I saw, Crudo ( Dan the Automator's side project) helped you let your hair down as well. They combined hip-hop, rock and some neat work on the turntable to put out a irresistible mix that you couldn't help dance to. These three turned out IMO to be the best showcases for going to a music festival to try new music. I was really impressed by R.E.M's set as with Modest Mouse, but they are the biggies. I wouldn't expect any less from them.

To kind of reinforce my point on how annoying and insular indie rock can get, I point you to KEXP's blog post on day 1 at Sasquatch. Not even a mention of one of the smaller bands (Ozomatli and M.I.A were both on the main stage). I rest my case.

Hold your noses

Pardon my mixed metaphors, but please hold your noses as the British press finishes slobbering over Lewis Hamilton.

Unlike CAR, I decided to wait till the dust died down to comment on the end of the Formula1 season. It was magical in many ways - a dream end-run for Raikkonen culminating in him winning the championship. The showing up of the smug rookie. Importantly, it was in so many ways a redemption of the talent of the perennial bridesmaid Kimi - in danger of adding more wins to his impressive and (then) championship-deprived kitty. And yes, I am on my way to being right.

All that is however in the past now. Raikkonen has his championship. Lewis Hamilton was and is the best-performing rookie F1 has seen in a while. And lest we forget, the BBC and the whole of the British press is there to remind of us that. Two weeks after the championship has ended, sample the BBC F1 page headlines as of 31st October, 10 days after the championship was over:

Hamilton 'may be negative for F1'

Motorsport boss Max Mosley says Lewis Hamilton could have a similarly negative effect on Formula One to Michael Schumacher if his success continues.

Please, comparisons with Schumacher? Schumacher nursed and built an ailing Ferrari team into a formidable racing unit. So did Alonso, once at Renault and again at McLaren. It'd be interesting to see where Hamilton will be if Alonso leaves McLaren. Or where Hamilton would be in a team that didn't have McLaren's capability in the first place. 

F1's new star - and it's not the champ

Lewis Hamilton has made a huge impact inside and outside F1

Hamilton's maiden season

How Lewis Hamilton came close to winning the F1 world title

But he didn't win it, right?

Hamilton a credit to the sport - Walker

Right. And Alonso and Hamilton will now do a Yeh Dosti... jig.

Inside Sport: Hamilton's debut season

In-depth interview: Lewis Hamilton

Oh, who actually won the championship, after changing cars, shifting to a different brand of tires and going to a different team? Add the fact that he was coming from behind and that he won the most number of races despite not finishing two races because of reliability, and you have:

Raikkonen the playboy king

F1's new champion is a maverick off the track and formidable on it

Riight. One article on a deserving new champion, with a qualifier on his personality off the track. Read the article: while balanced, it praises Hamilton so much. Ironic, considering it's a profile of the champion and not the rookie wannabe who almost was.

The rest of the British press, yes, but I expect better of  the Beeb. They have an 'international version' page there for a reason, innit?

Notes on the dismal fall of a franchise aka Third time definitely unlucky

- MJ is back in red (love that, for the record) ! Why did she go to blonde hair in Spidey 2?

- Peter Parker is a nerd. Making him wear kajal, doing up his hair Goth-style, dressing him in black and making him jive doesn't make him any less nerdy. Maybe Tobey Maguire's the problem. Cheesiness abounds as baaaad man Parker is more laughable than cool. 

- Stan Lee makes a cameo in the film.

- I noticed that Peter Parker's landlord's name is Mr. Ditkovitch. Was that a tribute to Steve Ditko? hmm...

- The amnesiac Harry Osborn is a much more likeable character than a dopey Peter Parker. But then, the Goblin's snarling kills any sympathy you ever had for him.

- Did Sam Raimi just get a DVD set of '70s Amitabh blockbusters over Christmas that he decided to rehash? How bad can the ending get?

 If this is what happens to good comic book franchises even with directors unchanged, I hate to think of what the future holds.

The Dark Knight? (It's Christopher Nolan, so maybe there's hope...)

More Superman badness. (Superman Returns was Bryan Singer. Go figure.)

*shudder*  more Fantastic Four?

Whither Usability?

Man makes progress by leaps and bounds. Wonders never cease.

That HDTV I've been coveting has dropped prices by almost 30% over the past six months, meaning I can finally buy it without breaking the bank. Moore's law has been relentless in its march towards infinite processing power. Broadband has been increasing speeds for the same price for a while now.

Why then, can't we ever get the small things right? Is it because no one cares anymore? That's not true. If customers care and are irritated, it should matter, right?

Consider the case of packaging. Electronic goodies like say, audio cable or a USB thumb drive come packaged in this special packaging. You know what I'm talking about? The clear, hard plastic clamped on all sides with a hole on top for hanging in retail stores?

To put it mildly, it's a b%$tch to remove. I've been in grave danger of decapitating myself (OK, at least losing a thumb or two) while trying to open this packaging. Over the past four years, every single piece of thingamajig I've bought or have been gifted has followed the exact same story. Sharp knife, awkwardness, lots of cursing and even more frustration.

Another grouse is stickers. With the amount of R & D going into chemicals, I'm sure they'd have discovered better quality adhesive for price stickers. Why should I buy a CD and then spend fifteen minutes trying to clean the muck off the CD case? That's exactly what I do, especially with used CDs. For new CDs, the challenge is different. It involves the use of long nails or a sharp knife to get the plastic wrapping off.

And there's of course the quality of CD cases. Considering I'm actually spending money to buy CDs, versus downloading this music for free off the 'net, it'd be reasonable to expect the CD cases to be good enough. But they seem to crack at the slightest whim.

Even as I get off my soapbox, let me say that it's not all bad.

Assembling IKEA furniture is right up there when it comes to easy experiences. As was opening my l33t Dell desktop at work to put in the fancy new display card and extra hard drive.